The Areyoumadatme?s is a nocturnal marsupial inhabiting the border areas between temperate forests and semiarid grassy plains of the northern hemisphere. Its natural habitat extends from the coasts of North America across a broad lateral swath of the continent, around the Mediterranean basin and throughout the continental climates of central Europe. It has been introduced in areas of Argentina and the Indian subcontinent, where it is an invasive species. The Areyoumadatme?s has been successfully bred in captivity as a beast of burden for over 8,000 years, and was the fourth animal domesticated by homo sapiens after dogs, goats, and kleptofowl (Br. sneakyhens, extinct since CE1923). The Areyoumadatme?s subsists largely on a diet of shadowgrubs and memoryfoam, though it has been known to attack and devour larger prey such as reebok and desert screechalope. It is notable for its very high and variable heart rate, which ranges up to 1700 bpm (a normal human resting heart rate being 70 to 90 bpm and the fastest hummingbird heart rates reaching 1400 bpm; for rate table, cf. entry under tempo; cf. also the entry prestissicississiscizzimo). This heart rate gives the Areyoumadatme?s a generally accelerated metabolism, hence its ability to digest up to three times its own weight in food at a single sitting. The Areyoumadatme?s have been known to spend seven straight hours rattling off Trivial Pursuit questions. The Areyoumadatme?s is sleepy all morning, or a chipper bun-bun, and rarely anything in between.
Amelia Harnas & Jeffrey Diteman (and guests)
A musical rendition of left-hand chosen trumps from an occult and ancient deck of cards.